Britain is going to be taken to Skegness for its summer holiday this year, and not to the south of France as was previously hoped, Alastair Darling admitted yesterday.
In his 2010 Budget announcement, the Chancellor said the fragile state of the British economy ruled out an expensive trip abroad for the third year in a row, although the budget could stretch to a few days in a reasonably priced Bed & Breakfast somewhere on the East coast.
Economics expert Ted Burllington stated “the slow recovery from the recession means that Britain has already had to cancel its Easter ski trip to the Alps, and news that it won’t even have a decent summer holiday to look forward to will be taken extremely badly. Normally the Chancellor would try and soothe any resentment by promising to buy Britain a 99 flake when they get to Skegness. However due to inflation these now cost about £1.40 and are simply too expensive, not to mention a blatant case of false advertisement”.
Britain is reported to be disgruntled by the idea of yet another holiday within its own borders, especially as it had already gone out and bought all its beach gear in the winter sales. It’s expected Britain will use the money saved from the holiday to spend an afternoon in a tanning salon giving itself third degree burns and exponentially increasing its chances of getting skin cancer, in a vain attempt to pretend to its mates that it went on a ‘real’ holiday.
Critics were quick to contrast Britain’s blighted holiday prospects with the stronger economies of France and Germany, who have both booked trips to the Maldives, where they plan to have a fling with a Latino pool attendant called Pablo.
Conservative leader David Cameron has stated that if his party gets into power they will organise a concerted campaign of banging their feet against the back of the driver’s seat and squabbling over the Nintendo DS until the Chancellor gives up and agrees to take Britain somewhere sunny with a decent-sized swimming pool.
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